One week ago today I gave birth to my third baby. My physical pain has diminished significantly, and I'm awake much more often now. Which makes for much more time to reflect on everything and my feelings. Leaving me more time to cry. Tonight is my first night home in my apartment - having spent the last 4 nights at my aunt's. It's lonely. And empty.
I have trouble thinking of anything to say or do... I just think of baby Zion and how cuddly he is, and his little cry, and the whimpers and grunts he makes in his sleep. The way it felt to hold him against my chest while he slept. And it seems the world is out to remind me that I don't have a newborn to cuddle. Target is having their Baby Sale (they kindly sent me an email). Yesterday was his due date (my mommyboard sent me an email congratulating me). The Friends reruns are of Rachel having a baby. The Office reruns are of Pam having a baby.
I wish I could have kept him. I know I can't, but I wish life could have been different. It's just not fair. This was not the way my life was supposed to go.
No comments:
Post a Comment